For everything is a total juggling act, and not one I'm particularly good at. Anyone who knows me knows I can't juggle and have pretty much zero co-ordination a lot of the time. Yet juggling is something we all have to learn and some do much faster then others.

It's almost four years now since the amnesia, and as it draws near I am once more getting jittery about it. Since none of the doctors can say for sure what caused it they have all said it is likely that it will happen again. So every year as it comes up to the 23rd October I begin to get jittery. Yes the likelihood of it happening on the same day is extremely small but still that day has become for me a symbol. More then any other date (apart from a particular one in April)that one means the most to me. It's my birthday just as it is the old me's deathday. It is the one date that marks a massive change in the person who I am now and the path on which I presently walk.

All of this has made me acutely aware of time passing as we all sit still. Something I really try not to do, I can't sit still...I have to many things to see and do I want to grab hold of whatever time the present version of me has and live it to the full (for those of you who are unsure let me make it clear I'm not dying and I'm totally healthy). As of a result I have a drive that keeps pushing at me striving to do new things, learn the things forgotten. Start all over but with new more wonderful things. Yes sometimes we need to stand still and look around us to be more aware of the world we see and I do a lot of that. There are still so many things I can't do, I can't go out on my own beyond a series of learned routes since I get disorientated and lost. I can't cook hot food due to a few setting myself alight incidents. I'm a dnager to trafic, I've had four nearmisses in the past three days alone (luckily I was with a far more sensible dog who has much more trafic awareness then I do). Concepts I don't get...there are many of them and each time someone tries to exaplin it usually ends up in frustration on both sides.

What I can do however is write, so that's what I do. As I juggle that, reading, family and of course my love I sometimes drop the ball and miss something for which I'm sorry and I hope you'll all forgive me. I just need a little bit more time getting used to juggling, and when I'm better at it I'll even throw in the artwork too so that also gets worked upon.